Living B.A.D.

 

Alright, in my last post I mentioned that I would be devoting my blogging time to a new site, called Living B.A.D, Beyond Abundance Daily.  How rude of me not to even mention where it is!  Check me out there, one love 🙂

 

“Living B.A.D. is a lifestyle blog/site shared by two sisters who are on a journey to a life that is true to God, true to them, and to do so Beyond Abundance Daily. Hopefully the things shared through this site will inspire others to do the same.  We talk music, health, relationships, fashion, beauty, politics, and everything else that is a part of our abundant living.”

www.livingbad.com

 

 

 

 

Woman: Remember Who You Are

The importance of being a “Proverbs 31” woman.  I liked how this began, with the poet saying “It was not good for Man to be alone, so he created You.”  Then going on to explain that some how we got lost along the way, feeling like we were created because we needed men.  We are not created as sex objects, toys, we were created as a helper and companion.  We were also created to represent the totality of who God is.  ALL women should listen to this.  It kind of reminds me of this story:

“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke
them into being. When I created man, I formed him from
the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his
nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed
the breath of life into man because your nostrils are
too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man
was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with
the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose
the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib,
which protects his heart and lungs and supports him,
as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I
created you perfectly and beautifully. Your
characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate
and fragile. You provide protection for the most
delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the
center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of
life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken
before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man
as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him,
nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You
were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be
held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You
are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a
splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I
see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change
them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to
touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep;
I’ve held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives
and breathes, you are the most like me.”

“Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he
was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could
only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and
experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness,
my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and
support. You are special because you are the extension
of me.”

“Man represents my image, woman – my emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of God. So man:
treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is
fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to
her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage
your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart
of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show
him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle
quietness show your strength. In love, show him that
you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

How Am I Feeling?

I can show you better than I can tell you.

 

 

Kissing You

If this song doesn’t speak to the hopeless romantic in me, I don’t know what does.  Making me a bit nostalgic as well.  *drifts away*

 

And I can’t believe it’s real
Can’t believe it’s you
I can’t believe it’s happening
I can’t believe it’s true

And I can’t believe that you are here with me
And I am here with you

(Kissing you) Softly kissing you
(Kissing you) Forever kissing you
(Kissing you) Kissing you

Can’t believe my eyes
I don’t know what to do
Can’t believe you are mine
Nor that I’m lying here with you
And I can’t believe you’re making love with me
And I’m making it with you

Through the night, I feel your fire
And there’s nothing but you in my mind
As you quench me of all my desires
And I melt in ecstasy
Oh oh, I

Can’t believe it’s real
I can’t believe it’s true
I can’t believe that you chose me
When I was choosing you
And I can’t believe that you are here with me
And I am here with you

Oh, kissing you

It is 2012 and the World is Going to END! J/K

No man knows the day or hour that the world will meet its end, but this year I want to live each day as it is my last, although continue to plan as if I have time.  I don’t want to take anyone, or anything for granted.  2011 was a year of reconstruction so to speak.  God had some fine tuning to do, things to make me aware of, and surprises up his sleeves to knock me off my feet.  It wasn’t a perfect year, but it was one of faith.  It was a year for God to really SHOW me his power, and for that I’m thankful.  I learned to have peace in the midst of storms, I developed patience, long-suffering, and God and I really became tighter.  With all of that, he reunited me with my full sister which was an amazing event.  I feel like now I KNOW God can and will do anything, and he really does answer prayers.  He does so on his terms, in his perfect timing.

There were a few things that I planned to accomplish in 2011, and I did reach most goals except for a few.  My son learned to write part of his name, but it is cool.  He only has trouble with the a and the r, but he does make an effort.  He can recognize letters and numbers which is awesome.  Watching my child blossom into his own little person has been a true blessing, I’m very blessed and thankful to have a child like him.  I also did NOT purchase a guitar, but I will this year.

In 2012, I want to get closer to God, excel professionally, move into a house, and just live life.  I’ve learned that things are better when we get out of God’s way and let him drive and I’m cool with that.  I want to travel, spend time with family and close friends, have fun, praise God and be happy.  I want to love and be loved, I want it all this year.   I honestly feel like this is the year of blessings, God just gave me a preview with my sister.  The best truly is yet to come.

Happy 2012

Love Hard

My Sister Stacy wrote this, and I wanted to share it.  She speaks my mind and heart with this one. 

A pressing issue that matriculates into every heartbeat, every breath I take, from the top of my head to the soul of my feet.

I…LOVE…HARD

From the last breath I take, to every prayer I make your best interests overrides my senses making everything seem minute and unimportant

I…LOVE…HARD

A dying need to give you my all, & from a spiritual perspective, the consideration of a lustful fall

I…LOVE…HARD

I want to be your everything, your verse over a tight beat, putting previous hooks to shame, an instant defeat. Incomparable lyrics so unbearable forms tears in the eyes describing a love so raw, yet so real that even the generations over the generations over the generations can feel

I…LOVE…HARD

Having accepted that this who I am, who would be man enough to accept and reciprocate this intricate and explicit, exclusive and intrinsic gift of mine?

Maybe in time, but not at the moment, and this draws me mad because I’m ready to show it!!!

Where does the line lay between love and blindness? Sometimes I can’t see it because of my extreme kindness, but over the years this what I’ve learned, regardless of the many times that I’ve been burned,

Regardless of the many tears that stained my pillow, and the many times my heart stopped beating from being punctured by an arrow, inflamed with pain and the ending of us, because of who I was I lost your trust.

Now I stand boldly even in prayer, because even I can’t believe that I’m about to go there, but part of finding yourself is accepting who you are, and once I understood that this became a no holds bar.

I’ve been given this life and I’m gonna live it! From the heartaches to the hard loves and whatever else comes with it! I smiled as I wrote that because I can’t change the blueprint, not everyone is like me…again….not everyone is like me (as I so bluntly dropped this hint)

I stand proud in who I am and the woman GOD made me to be because so many people walk around empty, afraid to love and afraid to try, and that’s just not me & I don’t care to understand why. All I know is that whatever happens, happens, one step at time, crossing over the madness, and yes my steps seem to be giant leaps, but then again it’s just another part of me.

So whatever comes next I’m ready for it all…hardships and all….joyous memories and all…a deep real love and all….

I…LOVE…HARD….

Stacy Muse

Nothing but GOD!

“Cierra Nicole Smith, they call her Stacy.”

Those are the words handwritten on the back of a photo of a little brown baby girl by my mother.  “That’s your sister.”  I’d later learn that due to circumstances in their relationship, my parents felt it best that they give her to another family more capable of raising her.  Well what about me?  I felt a bit cheated.  Cheated out of a chance to grow up with a sister, fights over clothes, makeup, and room space.  The chance to share secrets and testimonies through life experiences.  Sure I loved my brothers, and God would later bless me with two younger sisters but not as close in age as she.  “What does she look like?  Does she look like me?  Does she like the same things?”  These are all things I’ve wondered over the years.  I’ve wondered if she was okay, alive, on the streets, was her family a good family, etc.  I watched how my mother deteriorated over the years, and every year around the second of February, she would just be in a different place.  I’ve asked the why me, why not me’s, been through the anger and the pain.  I’ve prayed, and two years ago decided to search to no avail.  I looked everywhere, but God just said “not yet.”  Who knew that it would be a research article that was published with my name on it would be the connecting piece.  Who knew it would take me getting laid off from a job 2 years ago, to put me back on that very campus that I assisted with that research at.

God put me in the right place, at the right time.  I wasn’t even supposed to be at work today; I had a conference in Manhattan to attend but my car was acting up.  I took it in yesterday, but he turned me around and said “come back tomorrow.”  I stayed here in Wichita to make sure I was around to see what was going on with my car.  Out of the (seemingly) blue I get a call at work, and it is her.  Everything that I thought I’d say went out the window.  I was just glad she was alive, and that she was willing to at least see who we were.   Then to see the look on my mother’s face when she got the phone call from her was absolutely priceless.  As I sit here in complete shock, all I can do is thank God.  I’ve been praying God give me a sign that he hears me, and that he shows me how he works.  Chiiiiiiiiiiild did he deliver.  Just more proof that God doesn’t need a bunch of extra from us to do his work, especially if we have favor.  Listening to her story about how she found me lets me know that he favors her too and for that I’m more than glad.  The thing about God, is he does things so he can get the glory out of it, so you know exactly who it is from.  I can’t question him any longer, I can’t question his love for me any longer, I can’t question trials and tribulations any longer because I KNOW for a fact now through this, that he is faithful.

I don’t know what will happen now.  I’ve learned that my sister is an awesome young woman.  I know God blessed her with a wonderful family that loved her and took care of her.  I don’t know what she has been through, but I think God has a purpose for everyone, and she was shielded from experiencing a lot not growing up with me.  She graduated from OU and now in grad school in North Carolina.  She seems like a very sweet person.  Plus, she is natural, something I’ve failed at transitioning to time after time lol!  She and I have the same eyes, nose, and cheek bones.  I think she has my mothers smile, but my dad is written all over her.  She is beautiful and I hope that in time our relationship can grow.  I know things like these can be tricky and overwhelming, and I don’t want to pressure her.  I do want her to know that we all are here, waiting with open arms and are willing to go at her pace.  I feel like this is just the beginning, and words cannot express how elated I am that God bought her back to us on this day.  Whatever happens Lord, I’m willing to receive it.

Totally speechless.

I Make My Bed……………

I make my bed every morning.

Fluffing my pillows beat by shattered dreams of yesterday, racing thoughts, teardrop stains.

Smoothing out the wrinkles from tosses and turns, because secretly I yearn to be elsewhere.

Shaking out the sorrows that laid there the night previously, due to the happenings of the day.

Stress, heartbreak, disappointment, sinful thoughts and sometimes actions. 

Laying down new layers of hope, love, determination, discernment.

Powdering my sheets with the scent of self-assurance, comfort, stability, and peace to keep me throughout the new night. 

I make my bed every morning, EVERY morning, with the hopes of starting each day better than I did the day before. 

The Women in My Life

One of my good distant friends sparked a conversation about strained mother/daughter relationships.  It caused me to think and reflect about my relationship with my mother, how it has affected my relationships with others, and made me thank God that I am who I am today.  I guess one could say that at times, I raised myself.  I had my grandmother who took care of us, but she also had her own issues to deal with that prevented her from going all in as she should have.  She clothed us, fed us, and was there for us as an ear when we needed, and I am grateful for that and always will be.  She instilled morality in me, but lessons about womanhood I just didn’t get from her.  I don’t know if she knew how to give that, as her own mother passed when she was 17.  She did the best she could with what she had, and even though our relationship has been strained due to other issues, I know my grandmother would give her last to me if I needed it.

My paternal grandmother was able to teach me some things about womanhood, but I only spent time with her during school breaks, and for a short time in elementary school when I lived with her.  She is a true southern woman; all about grace, finesse, charm, and good ol’ cookin’ lol.  She taught me how to speak, sit, paint my nails, cook, wear the right bras, everything a little girl should learn I suppose.  My first trip to the beauty salon was with her.  She also loved to shop, and would take me with her to buy all kinds of things.  We would shop for hours on end for myself and her.  Even with that, the love for shopping is something I just never picked up.  I HATE when my friends say “Oooh we can go shopping!”  I mean, what the hell for?  I do not have the patience or temperament for being in a mall all day, browsing through racks on racks on racks.  Any who, back to the lecture at hand.   As the true southern belle my grandmother was, talks about boys and things like that were off-limits until I was grown.  Both of my grandmothers were old school, so they were very strict about boys and dating.  I didn’t talk on the phone to boys until I was 16, and didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 19, who turned out to be my son’s dad.  To be able to talk to her about men and relationships blew my mind when I grew older.  Now, we sit up and talk about any and everything for hours.  She is absolutely hilarious, and through talking to her I’ve learned where my mean streak comes from.  God blessed me to pick up things about being a girl and woman from women like my grandmothers, aunts, and friends as I grew older.  My mother’s sister was there to help me navigate through the troubles of learning how to deal with my first “cycle” (sorry fellas lol).  My friends in college taught me a lot about being a “girly girl” because even though I picked up some things, I never really put it into practice until then.  I was still a bit rough around the edges.

As I sit back and reflect, God put a lot of people in my life in my mother’s absence.  These women have help shaped who I am today.  As a young girl, I used to be hurt that I didn’t have the typical mother in my life.  A man once told me “your relationship with your mother will probably strengthen once you are grown and learn to accept her for what she is.”  He was right.  I’ve learned that my mother is stronger than she gives herself credit for, she has the biggest heart ever and people take advantage of that, she has a youthful spirit, crazy sense of humor, and a great taste in music that she has passed on to me.  She taught me that cleanliness was godliness (when I did live with her, better believe my room had to be SPOTLESS or I was in trouble), my mother has NEVER believed in keeping a nasty house.  I had to come to a point to see my mother for who she was, and accept that with all her faults.  I understand her more, why things were the way they were when I was younger, and I’m at peace with that.  I can’t live her life, she has to do that herself.  I’ve learned what mistakes not to make as a woman or individual, and I think that is something as a parent that she is grateful for.  We have a good relationship now, and although I don’t agree with everything about her I accept her and love her regardless.  When I had my son, she was there every step of the way and I absolutely love that.  Even today, as I hear friends talk about their mothers and their relationships when they were younger, part of me still wonders what if.  Then I look over all the people who were placed in my life, and I look at me now and what I could have been.  I look at my relationship with my mother now for what it is, and I look at myself as a woman and mother.  Then, I just smile and say “Look at God.”

SEE

Inspiration as you walk and stand in front of the looking glass, or when your smile greets a broken stranger in the street

Righteousness, beauty, all carefully crafted by an infallible creator, every flaw placed as it should be; perfect imperfection

Skin, glowing, deepened by the sunlight, celebrated, ridiculed.  Your curves, alluring but deadly like ocean waves, only the bravest sailors need to attempt sail

Sexy, a stride in your hips, that sparkle in your eye, the gleam in your voice that makes them all wonder why

More than a prize where your thick thighs meet, more than late night calls, playing dress up in Holiday Inn sheets

Secret conversations, hesitations, reservations, hidden insecurities, behind closed doors “I want you” but brief acknowledgement where you can be seen

Worthy of I love you’s, affection, honest intentions, strong fingers running through your coarse hair

Holding hands through the park, holding your proudly on his arm, tussling wildly after dark….

More than pretense, preconceived notions based on stereotypes perpetuated by media outlets

You are brains, determination, with God can accomplish whatever your mind sets

More than the desires, limitations, unrealistic expectations

More than false hopes, deceiving words, “piece of man” part time lovin’

Glory in every bit of who you are

More.